Faith seems to be an appropriate topic for tax day. This years rings particularly hard for me as some side consulting that I forgot to account for has cost me dearly to the tune of $1086 that I definitely do not have sitting in the bank. That said, I have faith that life will move on, the federal government will take my paltry monthly payment and charge me my late fees, the sun will set, the sun will rise, tomorrow will be a new day.
The piece called Faith is one of my first character studies of just sitting down in a location and trying to honestly observe what people were doing and feeling. I’m pretty sure I was sitting in a hallway outside of a classroom when I wrote this one, but I’m honestly not sure anymore. Reading through it, it reflects solidly on how I feel that most people, myself included, manage their way through life: fearful, wandering in the dark, terrified of death and dying. I have a solid internal dichotomy when it comes to these topics. On one hand, I’m a scared child. I don’t like getting hurt and I’ll avoid the doctor for years because I don’t want to face something that may or may not be wrong with my body. On the other hand, I openly welcome death. It’s not that I don’t have anything to live for; quite the contrary, I have a lovely and loving wife, a beautiful home, a collection of cars and motorcycles to keep me busy, and a job that pays me plenty enough that my family never wants for our necessities. That said, I like new things. What could possibly be more new and different than death? If you could pass through a magic portal to worlds unknown that it’s entirely possible that your current feeble mind can’t even physically imagine wouldn’t you do it? So why haven’t I killed myself? The default answer here is “because I don’t want to deal with the consequences in case I’m wrong”. That’s really not at all it for me. Honestly, I have too much to live for. I enjoy my life. I want to spend as much time as I can exploring my wife and my world. I want to play with engines until their carcinogenic lifeblood does me in. I want to see more sunsets. Death is the only salvation from the terrible things in life. That said, take some time out to enjoy the good thing. Everything will pass in its own due time.